Filling the Emptiness

For myself, so much of depression is feeling a sense of emptiness, as if there is a literal void inside of me. I picture it as a dark space that is so black it sucks in any light that tries to reach inside and turns that light to nothing. Depression isnt always about actually feeling certain emotions, like sadness for example. Sometimes it is lacking the emotions, lacking the ability to care, to give a damn, that is what really becomes a struggle.

I have been working with my therapist on different ideas to cope with depression. One of the main ones is exercise. This isnt a new idea for anyone that is struggling. It is well known that exercise increases endorphins and makes body and mind feel better. However, this kind of backfired for me. I walked almost everyday for 3 weeks for about 30 minutes at a time, but on the end of the third week I broke my ankle! I was dumbfounded, I mean who breaks their ankle by simply walking and tripping over their own feet? Me, this girl. Now its months later and I’m mostly healed, so I’m doing yoga. Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube. I’m enjoying it, but seriously, I’m waiting to see how I’m going to break something else.

I also began doing a gratitude journal. I love journaling and I keep one by me at all times so this isnt a stretch. What I do is when I am feeling down, or bored or lonely, I write down 5 things I’m grateful for. But the rule is that they have to be different things each time. I cant just say the same 5 things over and over. And, surprisingly, this can be hard sometimes. I really have to think about new things and what I appreciate. But, honestly, it works great for getting my head to start thinking in a more positive way, or at least stop the negative thought processes that hound me sometimes.

Today I’m doing pretty well. I’m feeling content with where I’m at right now. At least at this exact moment. Now, an hour from now, I could be feeling completely different. I’m hoping not, though.

One step at a time.

“Violently in love” with Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, A Review

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are the parents of five girls that have grown into their different stages of adulthood. Mrs. Bennet sees her role in life as a matchmaker, especially considering her eldest and most beautiful daughter, Jane. When Mr. Bingly and company comes to town, the gossip begins and Jane and Bingly are at the center of it. However, this is not their story. Mr. Darcy, a friend of Bingly’s, creates quite a stir with his prideful nature. Even going so far as to comment on our Heroine, Elizabeth, as not being a particular beauty (which of course she overhears and this creates the start to one of the greatest romances ever written)

So this story begins with characters literally acting out the title, with pride and prejudice. You see, the Bennet family is not known for greatness, quality or for even being financially well off as many of the other characters, Darcy and Bingly included, are. Mrs. Bennet is a tad irrational and possibly a bit excitable and talks about things she really doesn’t quite have all the knowledge of to be a good judge. And then… Then.. There’s Lydia, the youngest Bennet sister at age sixteen who makes a habit of disgracefully flirting with the military men in the area… And … Well… She’s just not that bright? Can I say that? Yeah, I can. This young woman does not exhibit good decision making skills in the least. And all of this plus more combined, makes for a lot of judgement against the Bennet family.

So all these characters with all their differences are mixed together almost at once in the beginning and this creates an incredibly entertaining combination resulting in many amazing conversations. I think that’s what I loved about this book so much, just reading the way the characters conversed with each other. They are great at civilly condemning one another, its so well said that even their rude comments can seem like a form of flattery.

I think everyone should read this book at least once, or just give it a try. Jane Austen was ahead of her time. This is a story that if put in today’s world, would seem incredibly relevant.

Thanks for reading my review and happy reading!!!

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern, A Review

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow.

I reread The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern around Christmas, and once again it just blew me away. Then I (Finally) had THIS book in my hands. Hello, The Starless Sea, I have been waiting on you sense 2011. And I was not let down!

The magic is back, this lyrical prose that Morgenstern uses in her storytelling overpowered me again and left me weak for more. I want more of her beautiful words. These images she creates are majestic and so enthralling that I really felt this book was describing one of my dreamscapes.

This is a book about books. About seeking and about finding. Join Zachary Ezra Rawlins as he leaves the safety of school and libraries, to travel into Manhattan and begin to live out his own personal story. There are many doors to be opened in life, and there are some to close forever. But Zachary Ezra Rawlins is in good company (especially the cats and cocoa and cupcakes).

I did not want this book to end.  Which is sadly rare for me. Please, Erin Morgenstern, do not make me wait so long for another taste. Your writing creates poetic pictures that inspire me to really see the world around me, so I can maybe… Just maybe, catch glimpses of magic.

Thanks for reading my review and happy reading!!

A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Maas, A Review

Some things I have learned while reading this series: Do not bargain lightly. Always look deeper than first appearances. And, trust your heart.

Feyre is such a dynamic character. She turns into a completely new person by the end of this series. The scared girl who was willing to settle for a life of quiet and safety is no more. She makes her own choices now and she chooses to love her mate unconditionally while still having her own control over her life, her independence.

Wow, this book was a great ending to a great series. I went through every emotion possible by the end of ACOWAR. Maas did not hold back at all. This author can make me feel exactly what the characters are feeling, even if that means I have to pretend my eyes are watering really bad because I’m reading this book around other people. (I swear, y’all, something got in my eye!)

If you haven’t read this series, I say… READ IT NOW!! I am not going into detail about what happened in the books because its better if you find out on your own. All I will say is that it is full to brimming with serious magic and a one of a kind love story that had my heart racing many a time!

Thanks for reading my review and happy reading!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas, A Review

It started in a snowy forest. Feyre, a 19 year old girl who hunts to keep her handicapped father and two sisters Fed, finds herself taking down a white wolf and a deer. She is able to use the deer meat to feed her family, while selling the pelts. However, there is way more to this than a simple kill.

That night, Feyre’s door is broken down and she faces off the lion like horned beast that not only stands on its hind legs but speaks to her demanding justice for the wolf she killed, another faerie shape shifter. Faeries are not known to the humans on this side of the continent for their kindness. No, instead they are known as being cruel creatures of terror. But when Feyre is given the choice between death or life in their land to make up for the faerie she killed, she chooses to go and this choice changes her forever .

This story is full to bursting with a staggering love. A love so important, so unexpected, that I couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed in a good way. This tale is about acceptance, not just forming opinions on what others believe but on realizing that those others and their opinions could be wrong. Feyre learns to see beyond the mask,see beyond a lifetime of untruths and decide for herself what is right.

I can only say that I waited too long to read this series and I am hooked! If you haven’t picked it up yet, I highly recommend giving it a try. I can almost promise you won’t regret it!

Thanks for reading my review and happy reading!!

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Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo, A Review

This tale begins with our protagonist, Diana, trying to beat her Amazon sisters at a foot race. She wants to prove she is as strong as them despite her smaller stature and birth place. Everything was going great until she saw a ship explode off shore of her island, Themyscira, and decides to swim past the safe borders to try and search for survivors. This is when we meet Alia, our other protagonist. However, Alia is a human and her presence on the shores of the home of the Amazons creates chaos.

There is punishment for just crossing the border, but to bring in an outsider? That means exile. Diana finds a way to sneak Alia off the Island but winds up somewhere unexpected. This results in many interesting interactions and an interesting view on our world from an outsider. Diana also finds that she has more things in common with humans than she ever considered possible.

“To feel like your crime is just existing.”

– Leigh Bardugo, Wonder Woman: Warbringer

Both Diana and Alia know how it feels to live in someone else’s shadow. They both seek to live beyond their overbearing and demanding family. I feel like this too sometimes, and I thought it was a great way to express that we are not other people’s labels or ideas of us. You are you, and that is perfect, that is enough.

Alia and Diana find their strength and powers within themselves. They are stronger and better than they knew and they have more courage than they ever believed.

This was so uplifting! Talk about Leigh Bardugo just making me feel like I can do amazing things too. With the help of good friends and support, anything is possible!

I highly recommend this for fans of Wonder Woman and/or Leigh Bardugo. Okay, I’m going to go learn how to use a lasso now!

Thanks for reading my review and happy reading!!

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern,  A Review

This is a story of a circus. But not just any Circus. Le Cirque des Reves, which translates to The Circus of Dreams, is just that, a place where dreams are on display and tangible.

The true beginning, before the creation of The Circus, is the beginning of a game between two rival magicians. Prospero the Enchanter calls upon his adversary to start a new match with new players, one of which is Celia Bowen, Prospero’s daughter. Alexander, Prospero’s opponent, whom is often only known as A. or the man in grey, picks his student at a later date and begins this young man’s lessons in a much less dramatic manner of magic than Prospero the Enchanter’s, but no less stunning and overwhelming.

The Night Circus, The Circus of Dreams, is a playground of talent between the two competing students when they reach the appropriate age. However, it becomes so much more than that, and not just for the players.

I dont know if you believe in magic, but I do, I believe in the everyday magic of kindness and selfless giving. I also believe in a sort of fate, a predetermined course that our lives follow as we make our choices. I believe that the good and the beautiful parts of life must hold magic within them to create such joy within me. However, this book fills me with the desire to see this place, this circus, to walk through the black satin hangings into its land of stars and experience that childlike wonder that permeated this book for me.

Just as I am obsessed with this story and the secrets it has been whispering to me during my bedtime reading, The Circus of Dreams dazzles the attendees to become infatuated with its call and go to great lengths to be a part of this enchanting place as often as possible. It creates an evocative delight for all the senses of the circus goers and I can only recommend that you join them as well to experience the charm of somersaulting kittens, ice gardens, and off course, some delicious chocolate mice.

By the end of this wondrous tale, I am crying and dramatically sighing in turn, This Circus not only influences everyone in the book, but this reader as well. I am left feeling a little sad at its completion but overcome with a grand sense of joy that I was able to experience this gorgeous work by Erin Morgenstern.

Thank you for reading my review and happy reading!!!