The Brightest Fell by Nupur Chowdhury, A Review

This story begins with Jehan finding himself buried in paperwork, which he hates. However, he may be expecting the boredom of this seemingly endless paperwork but what he doesn’t expect is the explosive attack on the nearby metro.

Jehan works at the Institute and he is the creator of a drug called Amven which is supposed to make people less violent and more docile. However, he may have his own beneficent ideals for this drugs use, but others want to use it to gain power. Jehan wants to keep the drug out of the hands of politicians, even if that means betraying his close friend and mentor, the Prime Minister.

This is when the reader will meet a few other very colorful characters, the son and daughter of the prime minister, Abhijat and Rito. Abhijat left the army to revenge his father and becomes the prime example of when hatred and vengeance blind a person to the truth.

This book is full of intense political maneuvering but the author makes it so much fun to read and easy to understand. Chowdhury is a pro at writing intriguing dynamic characters and, I must say, that this book went in a direction that I never saw coming and I LOVED IT. The serious nature of political manipulation mixed with the appropriate and distinctive sense of humor the author uses makes for a genuinely fun read that I could not put down.

I highly recommend this book and I am looking forward to seeing more from the author, Nupur Chowdhury!

Thanks for reading my review and happy reading!!!

Filling the Emptiness

For myself, so much of depression is feeling a sense of emptiness, as if there is a literal void inside of me. I picture it as a dark space that is so black it sucks in any light that tries to reach inside and turns that light to nothing. Depression isnt always about actually feeling certain emotions, like sadness for example. Sometimes it is lacking the emotions, lacking the ability to care, to give a damn, that is what really becomes a struggle.

I have been working with my therapist on different ideas to cope with depression. One of the main ones is exercise. This isnt a new idea for anyone that is struggling. It is well known that exercise increases endorphins and makes body and mind feel better. However, this kind of backfired for me. I walked almost everyday for 3 weeks for about 30 minutes at a time, but on the end of the third week I broke my ankle! I was dumbfounded, I mean who breaks their ankle by simply walking and tripping over their own feet? Me, this girl. Now its months later and I’m mostly healed, so I’m doing yoga. Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube. I’m enjoying it, but seriously, I’m waiting to see how I’m going to break something else.

I also began doing a gratitude journal. I love journaling and I keep one by me at all times so this isnt a stretch. What I do is when I am feeling down, or bored or lonely, I write down 5 things I’m grateful for. But the rule is that they have to be different things each time. I cant just say the same 5 things over and over. And, surprisingly, this can be hard sometimes. I really have to think about new things and what I appreciate. But, honestly, it works great for getting my head to start thinking in a more positive way, or at least stop the negative thought processes that hound me sometimes.

Today I’m doing pretty well. I’m feeling content with where I’m at right now. At least at this exact moment. Now, an hour from now, I could be feeling completely different. I’m hoping not, though.

One step at a time.

“Violently in love” with Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, A Review

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are the parents of five girls that have grown into their different stages of adulthood. Mrs. Bennet sees her role in life as a matchmaker, especially considering her eldest and most beautiful daughter, Jane. When Mr. Bingly and company comes to town, the gossip begins and Jane and Bingly are at the center of it. However, this is not their story. Mr. Darcy, a friend of Bingly’s, creates quite a stir with his prideful nature. Even going so far as to comment on our Heroine, Elizabeth, as not being a particular beauty (which of course she overhears and this creates the start to one of the greatest romances ever written)

So this story begins with characters literally acting out the title, with pride and prejudice. You see, the Bennet family is not known for greatness, quality or for even being financially well off as many of the other characters, Darcy and Bingly included, are. Mrs. Bennet is a tad irrational and possibly a bit excitable and talks about things she really doesn’t quite have all the knowledge of to be a good judge. And then… Then.. There’s Lydia, the youngest Bennet sister at age sixteen who makes a habit of disgracefully flirting with the military men in the area… And … Well… She’s just not that bright? Can I say that? Yeah, I can. This young woman does not exhibit good decision making skills in the least. And all of this plus more combined, makes for a lot of judgement against the Bennet family.

So all these characters with all their differences are mixed together almost at once in the beginning and this creates an incredibly entertaining combination resulting in many amazing conversations. I think that’s what I loved about this book so much, just reading the way the characters conversed with each other. They are great at civilly condemning one another, its so well said that even their rude comments can seem like a form of flattery.

I think everyone should read this book at least once, or just give it a try. Jane Austen was ahead of her time. This is a story that if put in today’s world, would seem incredibly relevant.

Thanks for reading my review and happy reading!!!

One of THOSE days…

Some days are just hard. Some days everything seems so much more difficult than it should. Common chores are just too much and unwanted distractions and interruptions seem like personal attacks on me.

I really thought I was getting out of that depression slump I’ve been in. I thought things were getting better and they were. My mood was improved and those little daily annoyances were easier to handle. However, the past two days my level of aggravation and depression has been escalating. Honestly, its been escalating quite rapidly. And that makes me feel bad for the people who love and support me because I’m just not fun to be around at these times.

I don’t know if the families and support systems of people living with bipolar, depression or any mood disorder understands the guilt that goes along with it. I feel so much guilt for not being always so happy and serene and easy to get along with. I also feel deep, deep remorseful shame for the times I lash out. And honestly, I don’t know how to apologize anymore. What do simple words like, “I’m sorry” mean when I cannot promise that I will never be in such an aggravated state again? Its not enough.

I know this is an overused metaphor, but I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. I’m going up and up and I finally reach the top but only to plummet again.

I hope anyone else who is going through this has some good ways to cope. I read and sometimes do guided meditation. However, I have to sometimes force myself to even try.

Well, I’m trying today. Just one second at a time.

On getting to therapy…

So, yeah, I made it to therapy on Thursday, January 9, 2020. I made it. However, I did not shower before I left my house and honestly, I wasn’t sure that I was even going to leave my house until I was in my car pulling out of the driveway.

A small step leads to another small step which leads to big leaps. A friend told me that. I may not have showered and dressed nicely for therapy but I did clean up and put on fresh clothes. “Got dressed today: check!” My therapist is amazing and she doesn’t judge me for this. She agrees that when my depression is so so bad, like it is now, that just leaving the house and getting to therapy is amazing.

I told her, my therapist, that next week I’m expecting her to pay me for coming. Definitely joking, but I feel like anyone going through such severe depression for any reason should get awards for any and all small accomplishments. For example, I put my coffee mug in the dishwasher and that really took effort! I know that’s terrible to admit, but geez, the dishes do not matter to me at all right now. My priority at this moment is to just simply get through today.

So, I’m saying to anyone who may also be going through depression for any reason… “A small step will lead to another small step, which will lead to big leaps.” If your just going to stay in bed today, try doing some stretches and drink some water. These little things can help your body feel better. And if your tackling anything outside of your den of safety, you’ll be okay. It will be okay.

A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Maas, A Review

Some things I have learned while reading this series: Do not bargain lightly. Always look deeper than first appearances. And, trust your heart.

Feyre is such a dynamic character. She turns into a completely new person by the end of this series. The scared girl who was willing to settle for a life of quiet and safety is no more. She makes her own choices now and she chooses to love her mate unconditionally while still having her own control over her life, her independence.

Wow, this book was a great ending to a great series. I went through every emotion possible by the end of ACOWAR. Maas did not hold back at all. This author can make me feel exactly what the characters are feeling, even if that means I have to pretend my eyes are watering really bad because I’m reading this book around other people. (I swear, y’all, something got in my eye!)

If you haven’t read this series, I say… READ IT NOW!! I am not going into detail about what happened in the books because its better if you find out on your own. All I will say is that it is full to brimming with serious magic and a one of a kind love story that had my heart racing many a time!

Thanks for reading my review and happy reading!

Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo, A Review

This tale begins with our protagonist, Diana, trying to beat her Amazon sisters at a foot race. She wants to prove she is as strong as them despite her smaller stature and birth place. Everything was going great until she saw a ship explode off shore of her island, Themyscira, and decides to swim past the safe borders to try and search for survivors. This is when we meet Alia, our other protagonist. However, Alia is a human and her presence on the shores of the home of the Amazons creates chaos.

There is punishment for just crossing the border, but to bring in an outsider? That means exile. Diana finds a way to sneak Alia off the Island but winds up somewhere unexpected. This results in many interesting interactions and an interesting view on our world from an outsider. Diana also finds that she has more things in common with humans than she ever considered possible.

“To feel like your crime is just existing.”

– Leigh Bardugo, Wonder Woman: Warbringer

Both Diana and Alia know how it feels to live in someone else’s shadow. They both seek to live beyond their overbearing and demanding family. I feel like this too sometimes, and I thought it was a great way to express that we are not other people’s labels or ideas of us. You are you, and that is perfect, that is enough.

Alia and Diana find their strength and powers within themselves. They are stronger and better than they knew and they have more courage than they ever believed.

This was so uplifting! Talk about Leigh Bardugo just making me feel like I can do amazing things too. With the help of good friends and support, anything is possible!

I highly recommend this for fans of Wonder Woman and/or Leigh Bardugo. Okay, I’m going to go learn how to use a lasso now!

Thanks for reading my review and happy reading!!